December 2011
1 post
I go to the pet store by myself so often that the employees are suspicious that I’ll steal a puppy. So whenever I go I buy fish food so I feel less lame. I don’t have any fish. This is why I’m single.
May 2011
2 posts
The Internet Karaoke Party is why I'm single. →
I watched a documentary on food, in my dorm, on a Friday night.. fully knowing I was going to watch the same one in class the next week.
This is why I’m single.
June 2010
3 posts
Enough TIWIS material for years
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ci4px/male_redditors_what_are_some_hints_females_gave/
Sports analogies beyond bases
[14:21] Kent: not sure i want to get elite [14:21] Kent: over 2k though [14:21] Michaela: jam [14:21] Kent : jam is wii only for now 8( [14:21] Kent : and jam is more of like nba street. not a realistic simulation [14:21] Kent: like the other 2 [14:25] Michaela: picky picky [14:25] Kent: I LIKE MY SPORTS VIDEO GAMES [14:25] Kent: LIKE I LIKE MY WOMEN [14:26] Michaela: realistic?...
TIWIS
I cleaned my car today only because of my embarrassment every time I pay the hot girl at McDonald’s drive thru for my coffee.
This is why I’m single.
May 2010
7 posts
me: just found a chocolate chip on my desk and got really happy
J: things you say at fat camp?
me: things that just happened in my real life
me: this is why im single?
Parking Love
I decided to work from home today — there are two parking spots directly in front of my house — I’ve been scanning, stalking, waiting for the cars to move so I can take that parking spot. I feel like I can’t get any work done until I have it. I also feel like my weekend will be ruined if I don’t get it.
This is why I’m single
A Mother's Sympathy
Me: I’m in a PMS mood today. everyone is making me mad.
Mom: I’m sorry. have some chocolate.
Her automatic reaction: recommend food. This is why I’m single.
denim wedding dress
http://tackyweddings.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/denim-wedding-dress.png?w=350&h=459
TIWSS
Marketshare Research
TIWIS
I just finished checking tonight’s show line-up on a cable channel.
NCIS marathon on a Friday night = Happiness!
This is why I’m single.
April 2010
38 posts
"Friend"?
Me: I'm sitting in the office, looking out the window on the 10th floor
Friend: you won't find love on the 10th floor
Friend: you'll still be single
Friend: you should jump!
Fake Gym Buddy
Me: OMG there is a new guy at the gym and he is so hot Friend: ooh? Me: it is love, he looks smart, I gave him a personality, but I am sure my version of this guy will not be nearly as good as reality Friend: what does he do for a living? Me: he is a nerd, I’m hoping for engineer. but he can’t be just engineer-y, he would be useless to me if he was a smart engineer who knew nothing...
J: there is a disproportionate amount of hot women at your office compared to guys
L, a girl: see my burden?
just one? this is why I'm single.
me: sigh. i am alone with my space heater.
friend: you will find one.
friend: one huggie. one kissie.
Guys, Maybe We Should Just Listen To What He Says
[14:49] jeff: also I’m going to spend my day watching x files and playing pokemon [14:49] jeff: this is why I’m si- [14:49] jeff: OH WAIT
[14:49] me: wow
[14:50] jeff: dont hate [14:50] jeff: I just caught groudon [14:50] jeff: so… yeah [14:51] me: maybe i should play pokemon. that way i wont be single like you [14:51] jeff: the logic is sound [14:51] me: catch me some ladies [14:52] ...
I randomly sing TV theme songs and dance like an idiot with my roommate in the aisles of WalMart…..
This is why I’m single.
We’re just friends, just that I haven’t told him yet. For a month and a half. Oops.
This is why I’m single.
http://www.wimp.com/elephantseal/
I just watched all 5:35 min of this. Period.
This is why I’m single.
N: we’re friends first, then impossible lovers
L: haha I like that
N: you want us to be lovers?
L: don’t you?
N: yea a little. at least cuddle buddies, I guess.
From “impossible lover” to “cuddle buddy” in the span of 2 IMs.
This is why I’m single.
Even though I had no idea what I was getting into, and I think the writing is terrible and the values presented unhealthy, I sort of enjoyed elements of Twilight.
Elements, I swear. Still, this is why I’m single.
Location: mall
Spotted: surfer hottie
Interruption: vibrating phone
*flips phone open*
Whoops! 3 voicemails; 5 text messages; 13 missed calls.
From: Mom
This is why I’m single.
More Important Things
M: Dude, I pulled off this awesome darkslide in the Skate 3 demo
K: That shit is so hard.
M: I can’t wait for the game to come out
We are at a karaoke bar on a Friday night and this is what we talk about.
This is why I’m single.
hey, submit your singleton stories using the link above.
kthanxbai.
Hey, at least I'll be single with matching socks.
Josh: it's going to be sick! I'm probably going to die
Me: lol
Josh: (you can have my socks)
Pulled Pork Pick Up Fail
I was at a concert tonight where people were grinding and swaying against just about everyone. Getting used to the fact that the girl behind me was basically ass-grinding me, I put my hands in my back pockets, in an effort to give a little distance. At one point, I felt her creep up and pull on my index finger (while it was in my back pocket — deeply protected by denim) and keep rubbing it....
Friday night...
Every Friday night my friends and I will drink wine and do a jigsaw puzzle. It is the highlight of my week.
This is why i’m single.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/13/health/13real.html?src=me&ref=health
Just reading some news.
This is why I’m single.
"Double"-y Single
On the merits of KFC's new delicacy, the Double Down (meat between two "buns" made of meat):
L: was it good?
K: it was soggily delicious for the first two bites. then it was just soggy.
My cubemate at work and I decided to make our space feel a little more homey. He brought in a mini fridge and put it between our desks to reduce extra trips to the microkitchen. Seemed like flawless logic to me.
This is why we’re single.
Love being single? Recommend it. →
A guy in a bar told me it was refreshing to meet a “normal gay guy.”
I’m straight.
This is why I’m single.
I just entertained the thought of checking in at my OBGYN on foursquare.
This is why I’m single.
This is why San Francisco is single. →
http://bubleraptor.tumblr.com
Monday night, just searchin’ for raptors. This is why I’m single.
“oh my god. I NEED to sleep with him.”
– J.P., referencing his long-lost beanie baby, not a potential lover.
This is why he’s single.
It's called foursquare for a reason
“omg if you go to alcatraz you can check in on a boat”
Gee Gee Gee
This song finally cracked 12million hits on youtube. I have been responsible for at least 4000 of them in the past week:
http://www.youtube.com/v/U7mPqycQ0tQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&
This is why I’m single.
The other night, I stopped right in the middle of hooking up with this amazingly hot and awesome guy because I got freaked out by how he said he’d like to be more than just hook-up buddies.
That caused me to realize that I’m actually physically turned-off by men who return my affection.
This is why I’m single.
A Singleton's most dreaded phrase: Raincheck
R: Hey still on for dinner tonight? Whats a good time tonight?
Her: Oh no I forgot that i already had plans! Raincheck please!
R: Np next time then
Her: Sounds good =)
R: Any day work for you next week?
Her: I’m actually going to Belize next week but maybe the week after