THIS IS WHY I'M SINGLE.

I go to the pet store by myself so often that the employees are suspicious that I’ll steal a puppy. So whenever I go I buy fish food so I feel less lame. I don’t have any fish.
This is why I’m single.

The Internet Karaoke Party is why I'm single.

Check it out!

I watched a documentary on food, in my dorm, on a Friday night.. fully knowing I was going to watch the same one in class the next week.

This is why I’m single.

Enough TIWIS material for years

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ci4px/male_redditors_what_are_some_hints_females_gave/

Sports analogies beyond bases

[14:21] Kent: not sure i want to get elite
[14:21] Kent: over 2k though
[14:21] Michaela: jam
[14:21] Kent : jam is wii only for now 8(
[14:21] Kent : and jam is more of like nba street. not a realistic simulation
[14:21] Kent: like the other 2
[14:25] Michaela: picky picky
[14:25] Kent: I LIKE MY SPORTS VIDEO GAMES
[14:25] Kent: LIKE I LIKE MY WOMEN
[14:26] Michaela: realistic?
[14:26] Kent: REALISTIC LONG TERM PLAYING VALUE AND EASY ON THE EYES
[14:26] Kent: the joke writes itself
[14:26] Michaela: hahhahah
[14:26] Kent: should put that on their marketing
[14:29] Kent: this also describes
[14:29] Kent: why i havent had a nba sports game
[14:29] Kent: since nba live 2007
[14:29] Michaela: hahaha
[14:29] Kent: and i think i copped that
[14:29] Kent: illegally
[14:29] Michaela: just like your women
[14:30] Kent: i dont know what that means in this analogy

TIWIS

I cleaned my car today only because of my embarrassment every time I pay the hot girl at McDonald’s drive thru for my coffee.

This is why I’m single.

me: just found a chocolate chip on my desk and got really happy

J: things you say at fat camp?

me: things that just happened in my real life

me: this is why im single?

Parking Love

I decided to work from home today — there are two parking spots directly in front of my house — I’ve been scanning, stalking, waiting for the cars to move so I can take that parking spot. I feel like I can’t get any work done until I have it. I also feel like my weekend will be ruined if I don’t get it.

This is why I’m single

(via meaghano)